Hello, reader! If you’ve found yourself here, you’re probably wondering why I decided to leave social media and if I think it’s worth it. The short answer is leaving was better for me mentally and yes, even after two years away, I still think it was so worth it. I’ve been more productive in my writing, formed more meaningful interactions with readers and other authors, and my sales have even increased.
The long answer to why I left is laid out below, starting with my “going-on-a-social-media-sabbatical” post and continuing through the social media discoveries I posted in my author newsletter.
It all began November 13, 2023 with this post on social media…
I recently made a major decision: beginning December 1, I’m going on a six-month social media sabbatical. This means that until June 1, 2024, I will have no new posts (with the exception of those I’ve already promised to other authors). I am deleting the apps from my phone and will set an auto-reply for direct messages. That doesn’t, however, mean I’m abandoning my readers.
For many months, I have felt this tug when it came to social media. There was a constant battle with what I should post, how often, and was I posting for the right reasons or just because I felt I had to? (Whether you’re an author or not, most of us have felt the pressure of the algorithm at one time or another.) I started asking myself, “Is my content what God is truly calling me to share or just what I feel I need to be seen as an author?”
Most people would say a lengthy social media break isn’t a good business decision, especially in the months leading up to a book release. It has the possibility of making readers forget you and never return. But was I letting those fears overshadowing the bigger picture? After lots of prayer, discussion with friends, and massive confusion, I believe that this break will help me to refocus on the stories I need to tell and what my readers need from me. It’s a decision as positive as it is frightening.
I am extremely grateful for my readers. Social media has had its positives and the relationships I’ve fostered are certainly a major one. While I won’t be posting or checking direct messages, I will continue to check emails. I will also send my regular monthly newsletter, while offering a second newsletter, sent once per month, that includes bonus content curated especially for subscribers. The subscription link is in my bio.
I ask you to pray for me, as I will be praying for you, as we take this next step in the writing journey together.
January 2024 – Off Social Discovery #1 – I love to read.
I am now one month into my six-month social media sabbatical, and I will be completely honest – I’m loving it. It’s freeing to be away from the constant bustle of what to post, when to post, and if I’m posting enough to make true connections. I never thought social media had that much of an impact on my day-to-day, but now that I’m gone, I can see how much time I was truly spending. This is in no way to say, “Quick, abandon social media right now and never look back!” There is a lot of good that can be found there, too. It’s all about finding the right balance.
This month, I also started listening to a podcast called Writing Off Social for authors looking to connect with readers without using social media. I’m only a few episodes in, but am hearing some great advice. In turn, over the next six months, I would like to share some of my own “off social” discoveries. My experiences may not apply to everyone, but I hope they give you something to consider on your own reading and/or writing journey.
I love to read. For most of you, this may not (or rather should not) seem like a discovery. “You’re an author, Kelsey. Of course, you love to read.” Yes, that’s true. I have always enjoyed reading and I read a lot. But I didn’t realize that somewhere along the way, I lost the true joy of reading just for the sake of reading. Of getting lost in a story without thinking about how I would describe it in a post or what graphics to use. Of choosing anything off the shelf at any time without considering if I had a good balance of historical fiction that month. Sometimes you just feel like reading ten contemporaries or a bunch of dystopian in a row. Sometimes you just can’t take another WWII novel, even though all the popular books are set in 1944. Maybe you just want to read a slew of backlist books rather than anything new. And that’s ok. Read what you love and love what you read.
In a typical month, I do not finish at least 2-3 books, not because they’re poorly written, but because they don’t hold my interest. In the last month, however, I have finished and enjoyed every single book I’ve started, read more than my monthly average, and finished a range of genres (historical, dystopian, and contemporary). Will the trend continue? I suppose we’ll see.
February 2024 – Off Social Discovery #2 – FOMO is real, y’all.
I am now two months into my six-month social media sabbatical, and these have been two of the best, yet most confusing months as an author. Everywhere authors turn, we’re told that we have to have social media in order to be successful. If we don’t, we’ll be left behind and forgotten. This was one of my fears, too, but I’m coming to see that isn’t exactly true.
FOMO stands for the Fear of Missing Out. If we skip a day of scrolling our social media feeds or checking Messenger, we might miss the most important thing in the history of creation. If Jesus returns, how will we know?
I jest (sort of), but this is exactly what it feels like being on social media. Social media tells us that we have to keep up, keep pace, and then race forward. We have to know all the things and do all the things. If we don’t, we might miss out. Without social media, how will we know about our friends’ lives, new babies, new jobs, and every other detail? Where will we get our news? How can we keep up?
The truth is, we can’t. With over 4 billion users on Facebook alone, it is impossible to see and hear all the things. As someone who loves to know all the details, this is difficult for me. As it turns out, there are some things I don’t need to know and what I do care about, I can get another way. News sources are sent to my email, podcast list, or sourced directly. Authors and other influencers usually have free newsletters, podcasts, or blog subscriptions. Small businesses have email lists and/or apps, often with more deals than they post socially. And phone calls/text/video chat/in-person get togethers provide info about friends and family without ever scrolling through a feed. It requires me to be intentional and basically create my own “feed” without an algorithm deciding what I should find important.
Will I miss out on some things? Of course. Infinite scroll was created to be exactly that – infinite and impossible. It keeps us constantly searching for the next thing to excite our brains, whether good or bad. It won’t end, because it was designed not to. There is no way to check off the metaphorical to-do list, leaving us more scattered than ever before. In fact, Aza Raskin, the inventor of infinite scroll, and Leah Pearlman, the co-inventor of Facebook’s Like button both admitted in this article and several others that they no longer like their own inventions.
Is it possible to find balance while using social media? For some, I think it could be. It requires definitive boundaries and specific goals. Does social media work toward those goals or against them? Is it making us and, in turn, others better? Perhaps most importantly, by not missing out on social media, are we missing out on something in real life? And is real life really something we can afford to miss? These are all questions I’m asking myself during this time away.
March 2024 – Off Social Discovery #3 – I have friends.
I am now three months into my six-month social media sabbatical, and learning new things every day. On the heels of last month’s FOMO discovery, here’s what I’ve discovered this month: By feeling like we have to be friends with everybody, we inadvertently feel like we’re friends with nobody (or very few). Who else can relate?
Despite the connections I’ve made on social media, which are wonderful and amazing, it’s been a long time since I felt like I had many real friends. I have three or four close friends and that’s it. Since leaving social media, however, I realized I have more friends than I ever believed. I don’t mean those friends you spill your guts over – that’s still reserved for the select few – but I’m talking about the people you share parenting stories with, who send you fun memes, or laugh with you at the church women’s night. Those you enjoy hanging out with, who ask how you’re doing after you’ve been sick, or send a random text while watching a show you both enjoy. Whether we realize it or not, we all have friends like these, and it’s easy to overlook their blessings in our lives. We expect friendships to be instant, to be as easy as likes, comments, and shares online. Following takes mere seconds, while friendship takes time.
I am following over 300 people on Instagram and 600 on Facebook (I think, I’m not logging in to find out). It would be unrealistic to form close friendships with that many, yet so often we’re told to connect with all our followers on a personal level. That is unrealistic and unhealthy. It is expecting something from ourselves and others that we can never achieve, and both sides will be left disappointed. There are, of course, instances where social media followers become real friends; I have a few authors who I now speak with regularly over text, email, and/or video chat, and I treasure those conversations. For the majority of followers, however, its good to understand those experiences for what they are – an enjoyable yet surface level connection over mutual interests – and never allow them to replace real friendship.
If you’re also trying to determine where your real friendships lie, I suggest starting with a prayer over your friends/followers list. Ask God to help you determine which are life-giving and God-honoring. Then consider all the ways you can connect with them. Is social media the best way? For me, your personal emails are 10 times more rewarding than any like or comment on a post. Is that true for you as well?
If you’re a woman searching for God-honoring friendships, I also recommend joining your local Walking with Purpose Bible study. My church’s group is a beautiful community where I’ve made many Christ-centered friendships.
April 2024 – Off Social Discovery #4 – I’m not trapped.
Did you know that the average person spends two hours on social media every day? If you’re using social media for business purposes, that amount likely increases as you need to add time for planning and creating posts and interacting more purposefully with your customers. You also need to account time for manipulating the ever changing algorithm which means adjusting your approach to post creation whether you want to or not.
For the last year, most of the time, I dreaded having to make social media posts. I’ve never particularly cared for marketing, but I truly started to dread it. As a result, I didn’t want to write my newsletter either. Everything promotional just turned kind of sour. I was trapped in a place I didn’t want to be, but couldn’t get out of. The funny thing is that I didn’t even realize how trapped I felt until I left and suddenly, I wasn’t trapped anymore.
Here’s what else I’ve discovered: When it comes to book marketing, I don’t have to do any one thing, but I can do anything. By realizing there is nothing I have to do to market my books (aka social media), I discovered all the things I can choose to do. It allows me to sit down, truly recognize my strengths and weaknesses, and find new ways to be creative. It’s like a blast of refreshing air in a stagnant room. For example, I know podcasts probably aren’t for me, but I love interacting with readers at in person events. I don’t care for writing non-fiction books, but I still love sharing advice with other authors and readers. There is a world full of open possibilities and I’m excited to see where God takes me next.
Are you feeling trapped by social media, either personally and/or professionally? Is there at least one small way you can change your social media presence to allow yourself more freedom?
May 2024 – Off Social Discovery #5 – My calling is not anyone else’s.
On the heels of last month’s off social discovery, now that I have a world of possibilities open to me for marketing my writing, how am I supposed to figure out which direction to go?
Something I’ve noticed that probably doesn’t surprise you is social media is rank with comparison. Authors are susceptible to it, too. We see what other authors are doing and think, “I need to do that, too.” But another person’s calling is not my calling or your calling. God gives each of us a specific job to do that is no one else’s. No one can tell your story the way you tell your story. So, then, why are we trying to let them?
Something I realized these past five months is that – *deep breath* – I don’t have to sell books. It’s true. I love writing books. I love talking to readers about them. I love reaching people through my stories and hoping I’ve made a difference. But I don’t have to sell them in order to keep my family afloat.
Some authors do. Writing is their full time job and so their approach to selling books looks very different from mine. For me, I have a full time day job, so I only need to sell enough books to cover my publishing expenses. When I finally hit that number…then what? Where does God want my focus if money isn’t it?
On Him, of course. It sounds cliche, but I didn’t switch from mainstream fiction to Christian fiction because I thought it would make me rich. I did it because it was what I felt called to do. Through my characters, I want my readers to see a piece of themselves, to experience God’s message, and know they aren’t alone. Taking this time away from social media has helped me to renew my focus and shift my mindset from marketing for selling’s sake to marketing for the sake of sharing and glorifying Him.
Please pray for me that I may remain open to His calling and help me to follow where He leads.
June 2024 – Off Social Discovery #6 – I’m not going back.
I’ve now reached a full 6 months off social media. Here’s the biggest discovery I’ve made: I’m not going back.
That’s right, friends; after 19 years, I’m leaving social media. But here’s the thing, it didn’t take me six months to figure out. In fact, it took me less than two. I waited the full six months to allow myself time to really contemplate the decision, but my feelings never changed.
First, I do want to acknowledge that social media has its good aspects. As a new author, I learned so much about business and marketing from other authors’ posts and in writing groups. I made connections with authors and readers around the world, several of whom I now call friends. Through it, I found the Catholic Writers Guild, the Christian Mommy Writers, and many small online shops that I now frequent. It helped me build my newsletter list and brought me my first cover design clients. For all those reasons, I will always be grateful. Despite all the good, however, the time finally came when, for me, it no longer outweighed the stress, pressure, and security concerns.
I’ve taken social media breaks before – for a week, a month, during the entire season of Lent. About seven years ago, I stopped posting photos of my kids and about four years ago, I removed almost everything from my personal Facebook page and kept it strictly to my author life. I could see how all the little steps I’d taken over the years finally added up to a big decision, but what I really needed was someone to tell me I had permission to leave.
Enter children’s author and fellow Christian Mommy Writer, Kristen Gwen. After I announced my social media sabbatical, she told me how she left Instagram in June 2023 and what a great decision it was. She directed me to the Writing Off Social podcast, hosted by Christian authors Sandy Cooper and Mary K. Tiller. Their show’s opening sequence says they are the “podcast for female Christian writers who want to grow and nurture their audience without social media.” Here’s the opening of every show:
“We know you’re tired of chasing the algorithm. Using social media to build your platform has left you feeling drained, overwhelmed, and unfruitful…maybe even trapped. You want to be free to build a sustainable, God-honoring writing career. We get it! That’s why our vision is to empower you to confidently reject life-sucking, ineffective methods of platform growth and instead pursue strategies that play to your strengths and yield a better ROI.” These two women were singing the song of my heart. I needed to learn more.
Over the next two months, I listened to all 30 currently available episodes. Each one was like turning on another neon sign that read, “You can do this!” They hosted author after author who left social media and were successful both professionally and personally. Then I searched the internet and found person after person, both authors and non, who had left social media and never looked back. Not only were they happy being away but were thriving free from the comparison-and-keep-up game. They had found ways to accept their FOMO and developed richer connections with their friends and family. Then it got really weird.
I no longer had to search for people leaving social media. Every week, I had validation sent straight to my email inbox through other authors, readers, and even personal friends who were all taking extended social media breaks. Had I started a social media exodus? No. Leaving social media altogether isn’t for everyone, but others’ temporary reprieve did provide one more level of validation for my own decision. It turns out the world survived before social media and the world still survives without it. As was mentioned in one episode of Writing Off Social, it’s ok to only give people access to yourself who have earned the right to be there.
You, my newsletter subscribers, have earned the right to see behind the publishing curtain. You have taken a step beyond the simple click of a “like” and I am so very thankful for each one of you. I thank you for having remained with me over this six month social media sabbatical and look forward to where the future takes us.
So, if you’re like me and need someone to tell you it’s ok to leave social media, even if only temporarily, this is me giving you permission to walk away, both personally and professionally. This is me saying, “You can do this!” We can do it together.
For now, my author Facebook and Instagram pages will remain open as a way to direct readers back to my website, and I have placed an autoreply on all direct messages. I will also continue to be on Goodreads.
If you’ve read to the end, I thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope that these posts gave you encouragement, and I invite you to join my author journey by subscribing to my monthly newsletter.
